New Home....

Well, as of yesterday the boys got moved to the NICU step-down unit!! I was thrilled with the news because I knew this meant that they were more stable!! After visiting them yesterday and today; however, I am a little concerned that they aren't being watched as closely!! Yesterday when I was there, Mitchell's heart rate dropped really low because of an apnea spell and no one came over until I alerted the nurse!! Normally, in the other NICU, the nurses would have come right over to check on them. Then, I noticed another baby crying for 20-25 minutes and all the nurses were just sitting at the nurses station talking. Then finally one of them came over and got his pacifier and he went right to sleep!! It broke my heart to think that when I'm not there, they could be doing the same thing when one of my children is upset!! And, their little bed is over in the corner, so I feel like they could be easily overlooked!!

Oh, and while I'm complaining about the nursing staff...this really made me mad...the other day when I got there, I gave the nurse some breast milk that I had just pumped and she said, "oh, I'm glad you brought that. we are out of your breast milk in the freezer, so I was just about to give them some formula." Oh, I thought I was going to lose it!! I mean, why didn't she just call me that morning and let me know so I could bring some in from home?? So, I ended up not being able to spend as much time with the boys because I had to drive all the way home and get more milk out of the freezer!! That stupid nurse tried to blame the nurse from the day before for not telling me that we were running low. Then, she just stumbled around with her words and said she got really busy so she couldn't call me. I seriously almost took that formula she had and threw it in her face!! I mean, I have been working myself to death trying to have plenty of breast milk and then she was just going to give them formula? And, I probably would have never known had I not come in!! You would think that these nurses, who deal with such critically preemie babies every day would understand the importance of them getting breast milk!! UHHHHHHH....it makes me sooooo mad just thinking about it!!

Well, the night before last Mitchell and Parker both gained 2 oz. and weighed in at 3.3 and 2.9 and Mitchell finally got his canula out. Then, last night Mitchell lost 2 oz. and Parker lost 3!! Today has been a bad day!! It is just so hard being on this roller coaster of emotions!! There is absolutely NO consistency with their progress!! One day we are on cloud 9 and the next we are heart broken!! Today~I am heart broken!! I just want them to improve quicker!! I can't stand going to the hospital anymore and just sitting there and starring at them!! I want to hold them and I can't!! This is by far the hardest thing I have ever done!! My mom told me once that I would never understand the love that parents have for their children until I become a parent!! At the time, I thought that was silly, but I truly understand that now!! It is just so hard when the 2 little children you love the most in this world are just laying in a hospital bed hooked up to a bunch of machines fighting to get stronger!! I want to take their place and I can't!! I want to do something to help and I can't!! I am trying to trust God, but today I just don't feel His presence!! Please, pray for tomorrow to be a better day!!