Worst Day of My Life...

Well, today officially marks...the WORST day of my life!! We found out in mid-September that we were pregnant with our 3rd child, which was a HUGE shock to us!! We were NOT excited about having 3 children under 18 months. We prayed that God would change our hearts. We decided not to tell anyone for now, mainly because we were embarrased. Finally, I ended up telling my mom because I needed her to babysit while I went to the doctor and as you all know...I am a terrible liar!! So, I went in for my first appointment 2.5 weeks ago. For those of you who know Dr. Blake, she only does 1 ultra-sound unless there are concerns. I met with her nurse practitioner and talked her into letting me have one, just to make sure there was only one baby. We had the ultra-sound and found out that the baby was measuring a little over a week smaller than it should be. I didn't really think much about it, but I did call and leave the nurse a message about it. She called me back and basically prepared me to have a miscarriage that weekend. I was devistated and shocked!! We waited all weekend and nothing happened. I went in the next week on Tuesday to have more blood work done and I found out that my HcG levels had not doubled like they should have. Again, the nurse prepared me for a miscarriage. She told me to come back in for another ultra-sound. We went in just totally down in the dumps only to find out that the baby was growing and had a heart-beat in the safe range. We then went to see Dr. Blake and she was amazed and so were we!! We left feeling great!! We had come to the conclusion that this scare was to make us understand what a blessing this pregnancy was and that we needed to change our attitudes. Then, on Saturday I started bleeding. I called the doctor on call and she re-assured me that it can totally be normal, but I should call my doctor on Monday and she would probably want me to come in for another ultra-sound just to make sure everything was okay. So, I called and she had me come in today. Kyle and I both were so nervous that neither of us slept a wink last night. We went in for the ultra-sound and that's when they discovered that there was NO heart-beat. Our baby had died!! My heart dropped...I just wanted to die!! This was the worst news I have ever received!! She called it a spontaneous abortion...it is just TERRIBLE!! We left from there and went to see Dr. Blake. She told me that I was having a miscarriage. This is just so hard to believe!! I totally trust God and His plan, but I do NOT understand WHY He is putting us through this!! I really feel like our child died and we are just totally in shock!! Maybe I am over-reacting, but that is how I feel!! I would NOT wish this feeling on anyone!! This is by far, the lowest point I have ever been in my entire life!! Please pray for us to feel God's comforting arms around us and get us through this!!